Shepherds Gray I,II,III

I have to destroy the wicked
The beast that has marked my threshold of pain
The anger he wants me to write, is so ungodly
All the sorrow surrounding this shepherd is gray

I don’t feel I’ll ever know the reasons why
Why all has been mistreated in such a way.
All my instincts are to dwell,
And let my emotions slip before the depression
Before the wind outside has calmed to rain.

And still; you’d believe your senses
If all you thought had reason to follow.
Imagine that path is gone and deserted
That sense to reason has no purpose to follow
Because you have no faith in man anymore.

I cannot be the God in me forever,
I cannot be the keeper of sheep before Christ in blood.
I do not know if I believe there is an answer,
I do not know if I believe in GOD…

But I do know
That there is something deep inside my heart,
When I refuse it,
When I act as though, I’ve never been born.

There’s a sharpness running through,
And I feel as though a river is rushing over my wounds
I feel deserted again, in isolation   
As if I’m the only one,
Who could drown in my own guilt;  

... ... ...

A reflection is held,
Beneath the water from the stream
As the storm carries out
All these words are frozen in time collectively;

I should have swore I’d never feel this loss again,
All these moments are dead with you here
And I should have know, I’d never forget this place
On that unforgiving day;

... ... ...

As motionless as my reaction grew in vain
The memories shattered in my mind
So I could never live a day,
Without hearing your voice;

Suddenly my hands became undone,
Feeling and all my instinct,
Desired to keep hopelessness at heart.
I could not breathe
I could not decide for myself  
What I truly felt inside
And if I believed in anything worth living for at all...

Protective that way
Holding each finger still
As I became numb to the sky above;
Pushing grater,
Carrying over the mourning into daylight
As all our grace merged into one.

You’ve seemed to help enlighten my thoughts
As all I dwell is far from heaven;
You’ve brought me against the grain
So I could feel,
So I could see what the rest of life would be like
Though the sadness of my world and all the pain.

My shepherd you’ve enlightened;

And I can’t be left so tied behind my back
To assume that I will ever need to know the answers.
My regret is that you couldn’t have stayed
Just a figment in my heart
Just a silence left from a drone...   
And I don’t have any faith left inside
For what we both know-
Could never replace what we had